What Buddhism teaches us about the self — and why releasing it is the most profound thing you'll ever do

There's a particular kind of exhaustion that comes not from doing too much, but from holding on too tight. You know the one. The white-knuckle grip on how things should be. The mental loop that replays conversations. The quiet, persistent ache of wanting something to be different to what it is.

Letting go sounds simple. Two words. And yet — for most of us — it's the hardest thing in the world. Partly because we've never been taught how. And partly because something in us genuinely believes that if we stop holding on, everything will fall apart.

It won't. And that's what this piece is really about.

Whether you're in the middle of a spiritual awakening and wondering why it feels more like a dismantling than an enlightenment — or you're simply tired of carrying a weight you can no longer name — surrender might be the most important thing you explore this year. Especially when paired with practices like energy healing and reiki, which work directly with the body's held tension and stored emotional residue.

The Self That Isn't Quite What You Think

Let's start with something a little uncomfortable. Buddhism — and specifically the teaching of anatta, or 'non-self' — suggests that the solid, fixed 'I' we spend our whole lives protecting and managing... isn't quite what we think it is.

Now, before you close the tab — this isn't nihilism. It's not saying you don't exist. It's pointing at something subtler. The self, according to Buddhist understanding, is more like a river than a rock. Constantly moving. Constantly changing. Made up of flowing elements — thoughts, sensations, memories, perceptions — that we've bundled together and labelled 'me'.

The problem is, we treat this bundle as fixed. We defend it, curate it, narrate it. We build our sense of safety around a story of who we are — and then suffer tremendously when life refuses to match that story.

Here's the thing: the awakening process often begins precisely when that story starts to crack. When grief or loss or sheer exhaustion strips away the usual defences and you find yourself asking, quietly and earnestly: Who am I, really, beneath all of this?

Awakening Isn't What the Instagram Posts Suggest

Spiritual awakening has a bit of a branding problem. The images we see — serene faces, golden light, perfectly still lakes — give the impression that waking up is a peaceful, photogenic process. Honestly? It's often the opposite.

For many people, awakening feels like a dissolution. Like something you've been holding — an identity, a belief system, a relationship, a version of yourself — is being taken from you. And the ego, which has spent years carefully constructing your sense of self, does not go quietly.

This is where the practice of surrender becomes genuinely essential. Not as passivity. Not as giving up. But as a conscious, courageous choice to stop fighting what is — and to trust that what emerges on the other side of that resistance will be more real, more alive, than what came before.

The Buddhist concept of dukkha — often translated as suffering, though 'unsatisfactoriness' is closer — points directly at this. Suffering arises not from circumstances themselves, but from our insistence that they be different. The clinging. The aversion. The constant negotiation with reality.

Surrender is the practice of stepping out of that negotiation.

What Does Letting Go Actually Look Like?

This is where people often get stuck. Because letting go can sound abstract — spiritual-speak for something you can't quite pin down. So let me try to make it concrete.

Letting go doesn't mean you stop caring. It doesn't mean you become emotionally flat or detached from your life. What it means — in practice — is that you stop adding to what's already here. You stop layering story on top of sensation. You stop arguing with the feeling and just... let the feeling be there.

In body-based terms, this often shows up as physical release. The shoulders drop. The jaw unclenches. The chest, which has been quietly braced for impact for months or years, softens. There's a physiological correlate to emotional surrender — and it's one of the reasons that practices like reiki healing can be so powerful during periods of awakening. The body holds what the mind hasn't yet processed. And sometimes it takes a gentle, non-verbal approach to reach it.

Tibetan Buddhist teacher Pema Chödrön speaks often about 'leaning into the sharp points' — the idea that the places we most want to run from are precisely where the deepest liberation waits. Not because suffering is good in itself, but because our relationship to it is where the real work happens.

The Ego Isn't the Enemy — But It Isn't the Whole Story Either

One thing worth saying: the ego often gets a bad reputation in spiritual circles. And while it's true that ego-identification causes suffering, the goal isn't to annihilate the ego. That's both impossible and unhelpful.

The ego is functional. It helps you navigate the world, make decisions, maintain relationships. The shift that awakening invites isn't the destruction of the self — it's a change of relationship to it. You begin to see the self as something you have, rather than something you are. Like a coat you can take off when you come inside.

Buddhism describes this as moving from identification to witnessing. Instead of being swept along inside every thought and emotion, you begin to notice them from a quieter place — the part of you that observes. And that observer, it turns out, was always there. Steady. Spacious. Unrattled.

This is what meditation is actually for. Not to make your mind blank — that's a common misconception. But to cultivate that quality of witnessing. To create a little more space between stimulus and reaction. Between thought and belief.

Quiet the Mind — Where Practice Meets Path

The mind, left to its own devices, is a compulsive storyteller. It narrates, judges, plans, replays, anticipates. And for most of us, we've never been taught that we don't have to believe every word it says.

A regular meditation practice is one of the most direct routes to understanding this. When you sit — even for just five minutes — and watch the mind do its thing without getting caught up in it, something begins to shift. Not immediately, maybe. But over time. The grip loosens. The noise quietens. And you start to find that the peace you've been looking for wasn't somewhere else; it was always underneath the noise, waiting.

Our free weekly live meditation is a gentle and genuinely nourishing place to begin this practice — or to deepen it. There's something distinctive about sitting in silence with others, even through a screen. A shared quality of attention that holds you when your own focus wavers.

And if you're ready to commit to quieting the mind as a real, daily practice — even in small doses — the 30-day Quiet Mind trial is designed precisely for this. Available on any device. Start with a single five-minute session. That's it. Because the path doesn't require grand gestures — it asks only that you begin.

Surrender as an Act of Courage

There's a peculiar cultural story that equates letting go with weakness. That holding on — grinding, persisting, white-knuckling — is strength. But if you've been on this path for any length of time, you'll know that the opposite is closer to the truth.

Surrender takes more courage than control. Because control at least gives you the illusion that you know what's coming. Surrender asks you to trust something larger than your own certainty — whether you call that life, or the universe, or simply the present moment.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You don't need a complete philosophy or a tradition or the 'right' label for what you're experiencing. You just need to be willing to loosen the grip — a little, and then a little more.

If you're in Scotland and looking for support on this path — energetic, meditative, or simply curious — Awakened Energy Healing is here. For those searching for Reiki Glasgow, we offer a warm, grounded space to meet yourself exactly where you are.

The self you've been protecting? It can rest now. What's underneath it is far more interesting.